Friday, July 18, 2008

Darkest Nights

We went to the movies last night and the Lover and I split a medium soda. Free refills! I filled myself with the sweet caffeine that had not tainted my system in quite sometime. Thus, the time comes past 6 am. I can see the darkness dissipating. If I opened my windows, I'm quite sure the sweet stolen twitterings of the Northern Mockingbird would float through my window. But, I shall stick to my Pandora Radio playing for me a delicious mix of trance and electronica. Is it the same? I could not say. I know so little. But they are separate genres; that much I know.

Two long years has it been since I've written like this. The feelings within me that I sought to bury seem to arise with the caffeine high. It is so close to the hypo-mania, yet so so so far out of my reach. I knew when I began my daily medical regimen, I would be loosing something. Yet, when I find myself unable to sleep in the early morning hours, unable to loose myself in a book, I find a part of what I lost. I know that I will forever be seeking normality, but it is simply so banal. Who could desire such when the rush of powerful passionate emotions lies at your fingertips. Just toss that tablet tonight. Sip on your tea, coffee, or wine tonight. Go outside. Feel the air as you haven't felt it in years. Damn normality.

So, now I will tell you the story of why I am Stargirl. The simple version. There is a book, from which I have pilfered the picture you see to the right. Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli. OptimalTable encouraged me to read this. The title character is full of such originality and creativity. Her friend seems to be frightened by straying so far from the norm. I enjoyed this book very much. I identified with both characters. So, after the President's Ball, fall 2007, my friends and I retired to someone's dorm room. We had somehow snagged a frosh and he stuck with us. He wanted to know everyone's names. When it came my turn, I introduced myself as Stargirl. OT laughed. "I love you, [Stargirl,]" he said. Since, I have taken the title.

No comments: