I'M VOTING....

oh god. Oh god, it's so fucking funny. Oh god. I can't help it. Read. You must read. Okay, the funny part doesn't happen until the bottom. I don't care if the rest of it pisses you off. YOU MUST READ THE WHOLE THING.

My boyfriend received this "I'm voting democrat" in his email. And the "I'm voting republican" comments ensued


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*K-Swiss*
An interesting attempt at sarcasm I received via email

Monday, October 6, 2008 at 6:29pm

I AM VOTING DEMOCRAT

I'm voting Democrat because English has no place being the official language in America.

I'm voting Democrat because it's better to turn corn into fuel than it is to eat.

I'm voting Democrat because I'd rather pay $4 for a gallon of gas than allow drilling for oil off the coasts of America .

I'm voting Democrat because I think the government will do a better job of spending my money than I could.

I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq , I know the Islamic terrorists will stop trying to kill us because they'll think we're a good and decent country.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe people who can't tell us if it will rain in two or three days, can now tell us the polar icecaps will disappear in ten years if I don't start riding a bicycle, build a windmill or inflate my tires to proper levels.

I'm voting Democrat because it's alright to kill millions of babies as long as we keep violent, convicted murderers on death row alive.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe businesses in America should not be allowed to make profits. Businesses should just break even and give the rest to the government so politicians and bureaucrats can redistribute the money the way they think it should be redistributed.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe guns, and not the people misusing them, are the cause of crimes and killings.

I'm voting Democrat because when someone with a weapon threatens my family or me, I know the government can respond faster through a call to 911 than I can with a gun in my hand.

I'm voting Democrat because oil companies 5% profit on a gallon of gas are obscene, but government taxes of 18% (federal and ? state) on the same gallon of gas are just fine.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four elitist liberals should rewrite the Constitution every few months to suit some fringe element that could never get their agenda past voters.

I'm voting Democrat because illegal aliens are not criminals, are not sucking up resources through government aid, hospital services, education, or social services, but are just people trying to make a better life by coming to America illegally. We can't blame them for that, can we?

I'm voting Democrat because now I can now marry whatever I want, so I've decided to marry my horse.

Makes ya wonder why anyone would ever vote Republican, doesn't it?

~

...lol?
16 comments

Mike (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 6:37pm on October 6th, 2008 lol

Stargirl Heuser wrote at 10:31pm on October 6th, 2008 Man, who sent that to you??? Ridiculous.

Rosa (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 12:38am on October 7th, 2008 I'm voting Republican because I believe in truthiness.

Brian (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 1:25am on October 7th, 2008 I'm voting Republican because my great great great great grandfather totally had a pet brontosaurus. And because civil liberties are for communists.

Sir wrote at 2:15am on October 7th, 2008 I'm...... voting ron paul?

Chris (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 9:08am on October 7th, 2008 I'm voting Republican because if you disagree with the president then you're Unamerican. I'm voting Republican because I believe that terrorists hate us because of our freedom, and not our state-sponsored assassination of a middle east democratically elected leader and installation of a dictator. I'm voting republican because of the WMDs. I'm voting republican because 9/11! I'm voting republican because I think torture is okay. I'm voting republican because I think we should never have speak with other government leaders until they've already acquiesced to all of our demands. I'm voting republican because I don't mind having my wires tapped, by e-mails searched, and (eventually) cameras and microphones installed in my house to watch for and listen for any terrorist activity, i don't mind because I don't have anything to hide, so why not? I'm voting republican because I think the most effective means of self-defense from a burgler is an automatic rifle, o wait, or is that the best way to hunt. I'm voting republican because the Vice-president is ALSO part of the legislative branch. I'm voting republican because the other guys name sounds like a bad person. I'm voting republican because English should be the official language in america, no need for hospitals or government buildings to ever carry any of our forms in other languages, why would spanish-speaking people need to know what medication they are giving is anyway? I'm voting Republican because I'm happy with off-shore drilling, because I know it'll have a full 1-5% impact on our foreign oil depedency, in 10-15 years. Oh, and oil will last forever. I'm voting Republican because I don't understand what green house gases are. I'm voting Republican because I don't understand basic car management techniques, nor math.

Chris (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 9:08am on October 7th, 2008 I'm voting Republican because we shouldn't have to pay for poor women to get rape kits to find out who raped them. I'm voting Republican because I don't know that (MUCH) more gun injuries or deaths at home are caused by accidental injury then by home protection. I'm voting Republican because I believe three or four discriminatory, orwellian conservatives should rewrite the Constitution every few months to suit some fringe element that could never get their agenda past voters. I'm voting Republican because the founding fathers accidentally let the "freedom of religion" part into the first amendment. I'm voting republican because I have no idea how long it takes to get into this country by legal means and I think everyone who showed up here AFTER me to this country should have a more difficult time then I did. I'm voting republican because I think abstinence-only education works. I'm voting republican because it physically caused me pain when I know somewhere out there there are gay people still allowed to do what they please inside of their bedrooms. I'm voting republican because I honestly think that two consenting adults marrying is exactly the same thing as a person marrying a horse. I'm voting republican because gay people shouldn't be allowed to adopt, because they will make gay children. Just like every straight parent makes straight children. I'm voting republican because I hate the internet. I'm voting republican because it's funny to laugh at people because they are "community organizers" I'm voting republican because I can see Russia from my state! I'm voting republican because I admire how a victim of torture can change positions on torture after 20-odd years JUST for votes. I'm voting republican because I want a president who constantly voted in opposition to alternative energy bills. See above (OIL WILL LAST FOREVER!) and finally! I'm voting republican because the last 8 years were great!

Dr. Tiwari (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 10:31am on October 7th, 2008 I'm supporting republics because I hate it when government interferes with free markets. I'm supporting republics because I hate unwed mothers. I'm supporting republics because I hate fiscal irresponsibility. I'm supporting republics beacause I hate it when government interferes with private lives.

Sir wrote at 10:34am on October 7th, 2008 I'm voting Ron Paul because... well, really, I think he is quite the looker.

Dr. Tiwari (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 10:44am on October 7th, 2008 I like Kucinich's wife better

Jamie (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 11:59am on October 7th, 2008 I think everyone should marry a horse...makes life so much easier...their eco friendly.

Mitchell (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 12:41pm on October 7th, 2008 Did someone say Ron Paul?

Emily (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 1:05pm on October 7th, 2008 I am also voting Ron Paul...and will always do so.

John (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 1:17pm on October 7th, 2008 I'm voting for Ron Paul because truth is treason in the empire of lies.

Dr. Tiwari (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 3:59pm on October 7th, 2008 Does Ron Paul have a horse?

Mitchell (Belmont Abbey) wrote at 5:38pm on October 7th, 2008 Yes its called the Constitution. He also named his daughter The First Amendment and his youngest son is named The Second Amendment. His son is known in Texas as being somewhat short fused.

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AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love Dr. Tiwari. "Does Ron Paul have a horse?" hahahahahahahahahaha

BTW, Mitchell loves Ron Paul. Of course, I'm not sure if it's a joke anymore or not. It might just be a joke. Sometimes when we're joking we just say "Ron Paul."

Because it's funny.